Thursday, 16 January 2014

I like my men like I like my makeup.

Or don't like them, it would seem...

I've had my fair share of experience with boys. And I've had my fair share of makeup. Some good, some bad. Granted, the relationships with makeup have been a lot smoother than those with boys...but we've got a lifetime to suss em both out, right?

In terms of my ridiculous makeup comparisons, I'll keep it simple; mascara, bronzer, eyeshadow and primer. So without further ado...

Allow me to introduce – Mr Mascara. When asked which one beauty product a girl can't live without, most will probably say their mascara. I can categorically say that I have held stronger feelings for every single mascara I’ve ever owned than I have this boy and could definitely live without him -  but, just like having mascara on a ‘no makeup’ day, it’s one of those handy things to have around to show people your life isn’t a complete shambles.

If we dig a little deeper into the depths of my Little Black Makeup bag, we find Mr Bronzer. As a young duckling, I was excited by this exotic new product. He soon became a must-have and part of my everyday look – but, alas, too much of a good thing can make you look like a loon. I’ll admit, my first experience with a bronzer was intense, but I wouldn’t advise getting too emotionally attached - it'll only pick up and leave you for the Armed Forces when you least expect it.

You know that photo you look back at and cringe? You know the one - with the horrendous glitter eyeshadow? Theeere you go. Meet Mr Glitter. I'm not sure where my head was with this one...but it didn't last long. Maybe, whilst having withdrawal symptoms from Mr Bronzer, I decided to embark on a new romance with someone who actually DID wear bronzer. Okay - maybe not. But there was a definite glow about him that I didn't trust...glitter eyeshadow was, is, and always will be a no no no no no.

I'm going to stray off the theme of makeup for a moment now, if I may. For the next boy in the line-up is one that I could only describe as that horrible gloopy stuff you get stuck right in the corner of your eye when you have makeup on. Or wearing a concealer five shades from your true skin tone. Or having lipstick on your teeth. You get the picture - this guy was my worst investment yet. As a rebound from, well, nothing – I picked up this love-life-come-makeup faux pas in the fruit and veg aisle of Asda.

Unfortunately, that is entirely true.

The relationship soon became a long distance one when I moved away for uni, but as time went on and the gloop never cleared, it was making me want to tear my eyes out. The final straw must have been when he text me to declare proudly that he was 60% in love with me.

*Rubs eyes furiously*

Finally we reach Mr Primer. Primer came a lot later in my makeup journey. It's somewhat of a wonder product that I had heard about, but never experienced for myself and to be honest I thought might be too good to be true... but so far it’s managed to surpass all of my expectations. Like with my makeup, things can head a little south when he's not around, but now that I’ve had a piece, I don’t know what I’d do without him! Mr Primer definitely helps me keep my shit together. 

Damn, I’m a romantic son of a gun.

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