Friendship.

In any female friendship there will always be a selfless saint. Plain selfish girls paired together will result in nothing but constant clashes to the point of a non existent connection with one another. Two saints paired, well, you’ve struck gold there! Enjoy a happy lifetime of conflict free ‘bezzie mates’ moments. The majority of us though, are a mixed bunch. Bring one of each species together and you have to wonder: do we adopt these titles through our actions or simply our personalities? How long before we ask ourselves when it crosses over the line of friendship to convenience?

It’s 10.30pm on a Saturday night and the eighth time I’ve been to the bar tonight. I’ve had three drinks. I exchange nothing but sympathetic looks with the bartender before heading back to the dance floor. Just as I’m about to wet myself with excitement at the thought of being able to enjoy an entire song uninterrupted, I’m hauled off to the bathroom. As I stand there stationary whilst trying not to become the beginning of a toilet queue I look at myself in the mirror and am disgusted at what I see…perfect focus. Surely by now I should have frizzy hair, panda eyes and twelve extra heads? Clearly all this running around has sobered me up and I can’t help but think, why me?

I will not apologise for claiming to be the saint of this particular friendship; it is not a desirable role. I know it may seem like a hoot, what with all those phone calls about her problems and the constant stories about how hard it is being number one…but its not all glamorous. The last emotion I should feel when my ‘best friend’ calls me is dread, but that is the sad reality of it. I’ve forgotten what its like to discuss how I’m feeling. Forgotten the security of having someone there for me no matter what. I’m always there for my friend. Wherever ‘there’ is….is a lonely place. Don’t get me wrong, I pride myself in being a good friend but sometimes I can’t stop myself from thinking I’m being controlled. Our friendship wasn’t always like this - somewhere along the line the dynamics have changed, and although I’d like to put it all on my ‘best friend’…I may have something to do with it.

x