Monday, 9 September 2013

Last Night.

There I go again, wearing that “do I look fat in this?” expression in every single photo from the night out. It looks a bit like this; sucked in tummy, shoulders back, one leg crossed over the other, arm fixed on hip…and sheer concentration behind the eyes. Now don’t get me wrong, after a few jars on a Saturday night you’re more likely to get photos of me on the floor with my dress tucked into my pants, but at the beginning of the night I do make a valiant effort to look nice.
Image: Pinterest
I’m not one of those girls who turn every night out into a photo shoot, but on this occasion I was keen to have some photos while I was still in a semi-coherent state, even if it did call for numerous toilet trips for hair checks, de-smudging of eyeliner and re-applying of lipstick. However, as the night goes on and the alcohol takes its tole one must be careful not to over indulge…looking back at photos of yourself with enough bronzer on your cheeks to stock an entire Benefit counter do NOT fond memories make. Trust me. 

Checking my reflection and feeling confident that all three of my heads were looking preened I strut back out into the club to find my friends had cornered a photographer to snap us. Before I reach the table I am already reciting the stance in my head; tummy…shoulders….leg - and as soon as the photo has been taken I’m quick to snatch the poor unsuspecting photographers camera to check the photo. After seeing the photo, much to my friends’ annoyance, I demand another be taken and really get my head in the game this time. Tummy…shoulders….leg….arm - the attempt to make it seem like a casual stance can be exhausting at times. But behold! Second times a charm and the photographer is sent on his way. Looking back now, I stand by my decision to push for another photo; come the end of the night, we decided to encapsulate the moment in a keyring for all eternity. The thought of reaching for my keys every time I unlock my door and having to see my little misplaced, chubby arm and half shut eyes…I could never forgive myself.

Another hot spot for club photo shoots seems to be toilets nowadays. Toilets. Where we go to urinate. Am I missing something here? Maybe its the perk of having a mirror to perfect your facial expression for the next big Facebook profile picture, but when you look back on that photo and notice a girl in the background emerging from a cubicle with vomit down her cheek, you’re going to wish you took it at the bar.

Am I alone in this ridiculous behaviour? Surely not. I comfort myself in thinking that the majority of girls are in the same frame of mind on a big night out, but maybe I just need to put the camera down in favour of the jagerbomb once in a while. After all, everyone knows the inevitable end of night pants photo is coming…might as well give the people what they want, right?

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