Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Throwing Noodles.

Asos shopping sits shamelessly high on my priority list. Whether it’s while I’m in work (ooh, naughty) or a lazy browse on a Sunday – I never stray too far. I don’t think there’s ever a visit that doesn’t end with adding to my ever expanding ‘Save for later’ list (whoever created that wonderful feature, by the way, deserves a promotion and a punch in the face, in equal measures). On my recent trip to Fash-land, I found myself having a peek at the sale shoes, and I just cannot hold my tongue.

Disclaimer: I’m fully aware that I am no fashionista. I’m also aware that my taste in shoes is pretty limited (seriously, what the hell did I wear on my feet before ankle boots came around?). I am in no way dissing the shoe tastes of others, or claiming that I know best. I just wanna talk shoes, yo.

First of all I’ll show you just how boring I am when it comes to shoes. Here are a few of my winners from the Shoe sale:
Dull, right? I told you.

While I do believe you can get away with the somewhat whackier shoes with the right balance of confidence and style, these guys absolutely baffled me. So without further ado, I give you the losers:
Where to start?! I’m just going to chuck one of my noodles at my computer screen and whichever one it lands on will kick us off… okay – the snakeskin leather boot. When I look at this shoe, it makes me think of Ross’ leather pants in Friends. And I feel like Chandler – desperate for someone else to react to the hideousness of it all. Anyone? Just me? What, pray tell, would these even be worn with? A horse and saddle, is all I came up with.

Okay – noodle number two (Don’t worry, I’m peelin’ em off the screen and eating them – no food goes to waste here!), the translucent platform. I’ll resist the temptation to make the obvious stripper reference here – although that alone should be reason not to buy them. What I love about these, is the practicality of the see-through heel. For those of us who have manoeuvring issues when we walk, the notorious heel blind spot has been taken care of! You now have full visibility down in that tiny irrelevant space by the ground – go conquer the world, stripper!

Our final noodle has landed on the bejewelled court. There’s embellishment, then too much embellishment, then these shoes. Not only would I be constantly stressed about losing a gem everytime I wore them, thus deeming the shoes unwearable, I would feel like I’d have to ditch my jewellery and cut my own eyelashes off for fear of over accessorising. Surprisingly, since spotting these beauties last night, they are now out of stock. It’s taking everything in my being not to obsess over who bought these shoes last night. What were they doing? What was their state of mind? Where do they plan on wearing them?

 Okay - my noodles are finished and these shoes are upsetting me.
Comment below if you have any of these shoes/want prices and links/hate them as much as I do/made the shoes and want an apology...



  1. Love your first picks! Very classic :) But I agree with you on the noodles! the fourth pair of shoes are awfully designed!


    Sade xo

  2. Ha I know it's so weird! Such a ridiculous selection of shoes...x